Two Wooden Sticks and a Ball of Wool

The Size of a.....

walnut!  Yes, incredibly that WAS the size of the stone that was blasted up through the lithotripsy.  Hard to believe.  I am sorry I haven't posted yet but as always the whole process was fraught with a few hiccups. 

The procedure itself was pretty smooth.  Had to have an x-ray, do some pre-procedure stuff (sort of freaked when the nurse said something about it being on the left side; my specialist said it was on the right side - and they are never wrong are they??).  The procedure itself was somewhat painful but the drugs they administered were amazing..lol (I would never become an addict but there is something about narcotics and sedatives given by IV that is so sublime....).  I came out it really quickly and Ed was impressed with how good I looked after.  The Dr. said it broke up beautifully and all I needed to do was drink A LOT of fluid and flush out the sediment.

So I ended up in the hospital twice last week - once on Tuesday (an incredibly horrific stomach spasm - first in the morning and the second, much worse on our way home - that rendered me in a wheelchair and unabashedly sobbing in the ER - I know I freaked out Ed - receiving antispasmotic and antinausea IM meds in either side of my butt) and then again on Thursday (incredible pain in the nether region, spasms and burning in my bladder - had a foley catheter - a real treat let me tell you! - ended up with some antibiotics for the UTI and percocet which I stopped using after 2 pills because I couldn't handle feeling so spaced out).  My fibromyalgia went into overdrive after the procedure and the fragments can apparently cause tiny tears in the mucousal lining of the uretheter which further irritated everything.  I am trying to minimize the detail because, well, heck who needs to hear it all (and even this may be too much).

Friday saw the arrival of my monthly friend which caused further spasm and irritation (can I tell you how impressed I was with that - like I didn't have enough to deal with).  I have been so bloody tired and of course when the massive cold sore arrived this Wednesday I wasn't surprised.  I can honestly say that I way exceeded my pain threshold last week...and my threshold is high.  I spent much of the weekend on Tylenol 3's which helped to minimize the pain, got some homeopathic remedies from my Doctor on Tuesday and while they have helped for a bit the pain has been pretty brutal again today.  The interesting thing is that until they blasted this stone I have never had a spasm on my left side - I am totally making up for that let me tell you! 

I really appreciate your kind words, the positive vibes (they worked!) and the compliments on my knitting (thank you so much) and I really hope to be up and running, and participating a bit in blogland soon... I don't do the baby steps really well.  Oh and I have some knitting to share!  Woohoo!  I hope everyone has a great weekend!

So 2008 really sucked.....

Wow.  It's hard to believe that I am actually writing a post.  2008 ended up being such a hard year for me healthwise.  I anticipated not having a great summer (the humidity really bothers my fibro) although this summer was spectacularly bad - we had so much rain.  Which continued into the fall and the heightened level of moisture just kept all things fibro (and otherwise) at an exacerbated level. 

Add to that a wicked burn (I have a really nice scar on my forearm as a nice memento) I gave myself taking a broccoli frittata out of the oven which turned into a bacterial infection and then the rather large kidney stone that has decided to take up residence and it was the making of inflammation, pain, fatigue, nausea, tinnitis and general lousyness (oh and the added bonus of some perimenopausal symptoms) that I haven't experienced in oh so long. 

I think that my vulnerability and level of anxiety always increases during these bouts (and they always seem so much worse when I have had a taste of more normalcy) and my isolation becomes so much more severe (my level of cognitive fatigue just doesn't allow me to expend a lot of energy - hard to describe but it is soooo debilitating - kind of similar to that feeling you had in University when you pulled an all nighter or two).  I am in turn very hard on myself (see I just can't get that "I can accept where I am" crap) and the vicious cycle becomes quite a spiral.  I feel very much like the outsider looking in on a life I want to be living and my thoughts become very dark and the cup nearly empty rather than half full.  I want to be involved, I want to do more, I want to be able to get out and go places. I struggle with feeling that I am not giving enough in my relationships or my life (I have 900 emails in my inbox, phone calls to return, things to take care of, projects to finish, dreams to actualize) and I have so much guilt about what Nick and Ed have to put up with.  Chronic illness is a bitch.

Tomorrow (Monday, January 12) I have a lithotripsy scheduled at the Kidney Stone Clinic at St. Michael's Hospital in Toronto.  With any luck (and please feel free to send positive energy my way to bust up and expel the fragments) I can get this taken care of without further procedures and get back to aiming for some abatement of the 'other' current symptomology I am experiencing.  Of course, as the specialist noted my stone is in the lower pole of the kidney so not the best possible scenario.  My good fortune.  It's funny, in some totally perverse way, that my fibro pain is so bad these days that the kidney stone pain is not really that bad (and anyone who has had kidney stones knows that it rates up there with the worst), or at least it doesn't seem so to me.

On the knitting front, I totally blew up on the ABC along - I think I got to E.  I didn't join this year. Prudent move on my part I think..lol.  Of course I did sign up for a few clubs but no 'a-longs.'  Why court more disappointment?

In terms of knitting, 2008 wasn't a total bust - I finished some long standing WIP's, 3 sweaters for my two guys, 3 baby sweaters, 3 shawls, 1 scarf and 1 moebius cowl, 2 Lizard Ridge blankets and 6 pairs of socks (all posted on Ravelry but I am throwing in a few gratuitous pics here).  The knitting (even though I have pretty constant pain in my joints and muscles from my shoulders to my fingertips) is meditative and soothing and, most importantly to A types like me, something I actually accomplish.  I am so not "process" oriented.

I also read a lot last year and really got into papercrafts (card making, scrapbooking) although again my dreams of what I can accomplish are always so much bigger that what actually gets done.

Thanks for letting me vent.  I know I still have it so good in spite of all the bad.  If I owe you a phone call, an email or a good laugh I do promise I will get around to it.  I have to say I love the changes to Typepad.  Can you believe how big Nick is getting?  He is such a sweetie.

Note to self: Update the sidebars!!